George Bush's Rose Bowl Conspiracy

So I was watching the Rose Bowl, and the refs really screwed up two big plays that essentially handed the game to Texas. I was thinking, wow, this is really going to be sad for all the crazy Texas Longhorn fans when USC wins 41-29. USC was looking good, leading for much of the first half. Then the good ol' boy network starts to get worried, and one of Coach Macky's rich alumni lackies gives the call to the Texas guvs office, which gets relayed to the White House, then back over to NCAA headquarters, and through an NSA spy satellite to the Rose Bowl replay office. Suddenly, the referees' replay system malfunctions, and video becomes unavailable for review at a critical instant of the game, when a Texas touchdown should have been reviewed and called back to around the 20 yard line where Vince Young was clearly down. This put Texas up 9-7, and would have been 10-7 if not for the belatedly awakened hand of God to push aside the extra point.

Then again in the second half USC was ahead, and Texas was driving. A Texas receiver fumbled the ball, recovered by USC. Nobody would believe that the video equipment could malfunction twice in the biggest game of the year, so this time the Bush-appointed video reviewers concluded that the fumble was actually an incomplete pass. Apparently a receiver standing perfectly still and firmly clutching the ball to his chest with both hands is not a reception if it results in a change of possession to USC.

The rest of the game went as planned: evangelical approved close-up shots of the dimly sexual Texas cheerleaders, a clutch Vince Young touchdown to win the game in the final minute, NCAA cronies clinking champagne glasses as Coach Mack lifts the crystal football.